How to Determine if You’re a Bad Mom in 3 Simple Steps

So I have this struggle…ha, that’s a lie, I have a lot of struggles. But a big one is feeling like I’m a bad mom. Perhaps it’s a side effect of depression, a genetic predisposition or a lack of confidence…all of which could really be the case, but what it comes down to is trying to figure out if I really am a bad mom. If I could disprove that theory, then maybe, just maybe I could believe that I’m not a horrible mother and that I am doing something right, maybe not perfect, but not bad.

This may take a little audience participation, which could prove difficult since I have a following of like 10 (at best) on this blog (in all fairness, it is brand new), but hopefully somehow someone will read this, help me find the truth and perhaps find the truth for themselves if they ever have any of this same type of worry. Although, I seriously doubt any other mother ever feels like she is not good enough, right? That’s ridiculous.

1. Define a “good mom”. (Be realistic and honest. For example: being a good mom does not equal making every birthday party or celebration a Pinterest worthy one. We’re talking basics.)

My thoughts on this: she feeds her children, clothes them, provides them shelter and provides healthcare when needed (unless of course this is truly not possible then this does not make her a bad mom, I do not think a mom who is living in poverty is a bad mom simply because she is living in poverty). She also works to meet her children’s educational, spiritual and emotional needs as best as she is able. Plus, she loves her children…you know, like love in action and love in emotion. She gives them affection. She gives them attention. She does the best she can.

2. Evaluate yourself against the above definition.

Okay, I do these things, but not perfectly all the time. I sometimes get fast food for their dinners. I sometimes (more often than I would like to admit) don’t give them as much attention as they might enjoy. They do have shelter. They have clothes. I get them to and from school and extra-curricular activities. I even attend said extra-curricular activities when applicable and possible. I try to address all emotional needs and involve extra input (therapist, counselors, role models, etc) when possible, but I haven’t done this perfectly. Like the time my son went to therapy and his father (my ex-husband) sabotaged the whole thing so the therapist disowned us (really) and then his father said he would not ever and I could not ever take him back to therapy of any kind. UGH. On to the next thing… I do try to meet my children’s spiritual needs (introduce them to faith, etc.), but I don’t do that perfectly either. I do love my children, I really do. I give them hugs and kisses (even if they get wiped off) and I tell them I’m proud of them and remind them that they are loved. But again, I don’t do any of this perfectly. Oh, that last thing in the definition above…”she does the best that she can“… okay, okay, yes, I do the best that I can, even if my best some days is someone else’s worst .

3. Come to  your conclusion.

My thoughts: I’ve got room for improvement, but by my definition above, I am not a bad mom. This is a serious relief. I don’t want to be a bad mom, I want to be a good mom and an even better one tomorrow than I am today. I want to be proud of the mom that I am and I don’t want to have any more regret.

Here’s where the audience participation comes in and is really important. I need to check myself because if I’m truly not a bad mom, I need a little validation. Tell me, what’s your definition of a good mom? Do you ever feel like you’re not a very good one? Do you think my evaluation is accurate? Spill it, okay? ‘Cause this mama needs to know.

Perfect.jpg

This photo came from The House of Hendrix blog and I couldn’t resist sharing with you here, because maybe, even in my imperfection I am actually a good mom and maybe you are, too. And if you don’t worry about it…well…maybe you aren’t? 😉

 

P.S. I’m participating in the #ManicMondays linky via RockinRandomMom and the #abitofeverything linky via The Anxious Dragon. Check them out!

RockinRandomMom
A Bit Of Everything
Advertisements

12 thoughts on “How to Determine if You’re a Bad Mom in 3 Simple Steps

  1. I used to feel this way every single day after my oldest was born and I do still have “bad mom” moments. Like the other day when I yelled at my 9 year old and when I say I yelled, I mean I really YELLED! He is the pickiest eater I’ve ever met and when I had him try something new (something that he moans about with great distress), he spit the food out on my clean floor and I about lost it. I started yelling almost immediately but it wasn’t yelling like cussing him out or calling him names or anything like that (something that would have definitely occurred when I was a kid, along with a switch beating that would have left me bleeding) but rather my utter disappointment in him. That’s bad enough though. He cried and when I realized I wasn’t getting anywhere I attempted to calm myself and explained to him, albeit, loudly, the importance of him eating real food instead of eating just cereal all day long. His eating habits really send me into a tailspin sometimes because it reflects on me how well he is cared for. Granted, the cereal hasn’t stunted his growth in the least little bit and he is steadily gaining weight but only because his other choices are pizza and chips and that unnerves me as well. Him not eating is what makes me feel like a bad mom but yelling at him for his food choices also doesn’t make me feel any better. However, and I’m sorry this is a long comment, overall I know I am a good mother because like the definition, I feed, clothe, bathe, and love my children more than anything else in this world. I provide educational and spiritual guidance and I give lots of hugs and kisses, as long as they allow it. Like Mary stated above though, I also let my kids know that I’m not perfect. I make mistakes because I’m human, just like them. I have come to accept (for the most part) that while I have my bad mom moments, they are few and far between. I am confidant in my parenting because my kids show me every day that I am a good mom. This has inspired me to write my own blog post about this topic. Thanks so much for sharing this with me at #manicmonday P.S, I am now following your blog!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing your heart and soul with me…it means so much to me to relate to others who understand and share the real hard stuff, too. I have a couple picky eaters in my house and it is so frustrating! I also have great remorse when I raise my voice too loud towards my children. We’re human, we experience frustration and fear and impatience and sometimes that comes out loud. It’s good to recognize that an occasional outburst does not mean we are bad mothers. We are good moms. Some days it feels very far from the truth in my head, but that does not mean it’s no longer true. I’m so excited you have decided to follow along and hope you will let me know, if you think of it, when you post your writing on this topic! I look forward to following along with your blog, too. Thank you! Blessings to you.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Being a mom is the hardest job in the world. And we should remember that we are very much human and they need to know that as well. I think being able to show your children what real is and how it is ok to not be perfect is very important. I am a mom of 4 and they are pretty much grown now. When they were younger I doubted myself all the time. But as I got more experience at it I became a better mom. We grow together with them. Don’t be so hard on yourself, the fact that you are even writing this post shows what a good mom you are, because if you were a bad mom you wouldn’t be questioning yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I have the same feelings you do. I want to be a good mom but there are days I don’t feel that way. And I think it’s ok to feel that way. The fact that you’re reflective of your own journey as a mother – that’s the most important step towards being a better mom, better person. Thanks for sharing with #abitofeverything

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It is hard, I have some days where we are all in good moods and things work out perfectly. Then we have the bad days, they are long, difficult and full of time outs in the naughty step (sometimes for me too ha ha!). I think you are right though, doing the best you can and providing love is the important thing 🙂 thanks for sharing. #abitofeverything

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s